Disgracing the Embrace: When and Why for Hugs

On Tuesdays, I have an awkward 15- minute break between classes. Never in a rush to delve into Shakespeare lines, I usually wile away the minutes on a bench outside Feinstein Center, where I spend quality time with my Folgers and my thoughts. And people watch. This past Tuesday, my observations led me to a stunning conclusion: Al Qaeda, gun-wielding sixth-graders, and pirates must all be myths. Otherwise, I wouldn't have witnessed five dramatic bear hugs between passing students in a quarter of an hour. The world must be an ocean of love. Well, pirates do exist-that ocean can get a little choppy. So, considering our peachy-keen days ended with Eden, the younger generation's tendency to supplement their casual hellos and goodbyes with loving embraces is intriguing. Isn't a hug meant to display special affection for another person? Call me cynical, but it's dubious that a sincere gesture of love could transpire on the quad at 10:45 a.m. (the wind tunnel around McVinney is more appropriate-at least then there's the practical motivation of body warmth). In any case, what was once an intimate act has been relegated to something synonymous with "Wussup?" Kinda sad, but mostly just amusing. Overactive hugging seems particularly prevalent to the college experience. We hug all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons-acquaintances with whom we'd never share a Coke, friendly security guards because it's funny, and roommates, well, because we're both in the kitchen-duh. Sometimes I feel it's as if we're competing with the other person: I'm going for the hug, because I want to out-hello this chick. Damn capitalism. The hug has become a standard reaction to surprise encounters. For example, a certain young lady is at a bar with her legitimately huggable friends when she bumps into that nonentity from her ethics class. Shocked at seeing him in a different context, she instinctively hugs an otherwise unhuggable prospect. Does she actually harbor tender feelings for this individual? Probably not. Then why the hug? Perhaps it's because she was on Mysterious Draught Beer number infinity; but I'm not so sure-I'd probably do the same if I saw ethics boy in the frozen food aisle on Sunday morning. I might understand the mentality behind eager embracers if hugging was remotely fun or facilitated more meaningful small talk (oxymoron?).But actually, it's not enjoyable and it makes things uncomfortable. An effective hug requires a certain level of agility. Because of that annoying thing on our shoulders called a head, we have to choose a side to lean toward mid-hug. Sometimes, it works out great, and you're the perfect ying to your partner's yang. But many times, a Rocky Balboa-type bob and weave ensues, and all that's to be gotten is a fat lip. Or that weird cheek-on-cheek sensation. Or a half gallon of ice cream dropped on your toes in the frozen food aisle. It's hardly worth risking for someone you don't even like. And what about emotionally? Is a huggee to feel closer to his hugger, or is he just another dummy in the receiving line of life? It becomes even more unclear when the moment is shared by a guy and a gal. You might think you've said a simple hello to the nerdy archery club captain when you've actually just created your own stalker-with a bow and arrow. The point is, nothing good comes from a casual hug. I don't know why we ever nixed the handshake, but I think the full-body contact gets too complicated. Hugging should be reserved for people of appropriate heights (because we've all had one too many mouthfuls of chest hair. . .or just chest) who actually care about each other, like Sonny and Cher. Hug your grandma or your boyfriend, and only when you really mean it. Selective hugging will keep casual encounters as they're meant to be and lend some genuineness to our more personal moments. At the very least, can we try not to hug outside Feinstein on Tuesday mornings? I might start doubting Al-Qaeda again.