Madness: A March Tradition

Well, I guess it's that time of year again. And no, I'm not just talking about the exorbitant numbers of frayed, Abercrombie denim miniskirts you are seeing around campus. What I am talking about, however, is just as infectious as said denim miniskirts. Yes, it's March. And with March comes the madness that only March can bring. It's a great time for sports. Baseball season is just around the corner. You're hearing more rumbles and grumbles out of the NFL. And of course, you're loosing sleep and steady control over your GPA and over who you picked in your NCAA Tournament bracket.

It happens every year. You're excited about your picks. You think you have a solid bracket. In fact, you're willing to bet $100 that you will finish in front of your roommate who won it all last year. Then you'll not only have bragging rights, but you'll also have accomplished something in a field where you know all of your friends know you know nothing about. Go with Louisville, I said to myself. That seems logical. The number one ranked team overall in the tournament. Right? Wrong.

I don't care who you are, it is downright impossible to pick a winner. I've met them all. From egotistical college basketball team managers, who shall remain nameless, to a number of friends' girlfriends who pick teams based solely on the colors of their jerseys, no one can provide me with a winning bracket.

I don't know who you have to be. Apparently being a college basketball analyst can't even help you. Digger Phelps is a moron. Jay Bilas is a lawyer when he's not courtside. And Doug Gotlies stole a dude's identity in college, so I'm sure as heck not going to trust anything he says.

You would certainly have to think that the President of the United States of America would be able to have some sort of pull. I don't know, maybe get one of your secret service guys to rough up Dickie V or something. It just doesn't seem possible that the most powerful man on the face of the earth can't find some sort of inside information on which to base his picks. I mean, let's be real; if the President is wrong about the NCAA Tournament, how is he ever going to protect us during times of war? I'm surprised some right wing talk-radio pundit hasn't thrown that into the gauntlet of criticisms.

What makes the NCAA Tournament so appealing to everyone, though, is the fact that everyone thinks they have the key to winning. The second March 1 hits, everyone suddenly becomes an expert on college basketball. And what's even more entertaining is the fact that everyone is willing to tell you why they are going to be winners.

"Oh, this year I have Oklahoma going to the finals and winning. Blake Griffin is unstoppable on the boards." Dude, you're an English major. Stop talking.

Everyone has a different "sleeper" pick, or a different team that they'll ride all the way to the bank. Some people go for their hometown team, while others will pick a number one seed to win it all. But lets be honest here folks, there is no rhyme, reason, or downright possibility that you have the mental capacity, much less the omniscience, needed to predict the winner. There's just no possible way. And believe me, the NCAA knows this. And while we're all banging our heads against the wall because Villanova beat Pitt, the guys sitting in the offices are laughing at us.

After all, what do they care if you just lost $100? They just made a hundred times that amount off the poor saps who just want to watch some basketball.

This year I thought I had the key. I read up online. I did my homework. I did everything that Dan Shulman told me to do, although I did not follow his advice on how to commentate a game. I had one big pick in the form of Scottie Reynolds owning Pitt, and Louisville being champs over UNC. Boy was I wrong.

But, even though I was wrong, I'll come back for more next year. Because next year will most certainly be different from the past six years. I'm just playing the law of averages here. That's really all it comes down to. Eventually you'll get lucky and it will be your turn to bask in the sunshine that is victory.

Since I lost already, I won't bother making a prediction for this year's winner. But look for the Providence College Friars making at least a Sweet Sixteen run next season. Enjoy these next two months of warm weather. And try not to hurt your roommate, even though he picked Missouri over Memphis.