Breaking the silence, raising awareness

This is the third article in a four-part series about diversity at Providence College.

 

Filled with fear, they live a life of silence.

Many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered students keep their sexual orientations hidden, paralyzed by the uncertainty of what might happen should they reveal their sexual orientations. Difficult as it may be to come out, however, many in the gay community at Providence College say it is better to voice the truth than lie in silence. 

"The longer I kept it in the worse I felt for lying to myself and family and friends," said Mike Pennuto '07, who recently revealed he was gay. "I'm done hiding, and I'm not ashamed of who I am."

Upon telling his family he was gay during winter break, Pennuto received mixed responses: Though his mother supported him, his father refused to talk to him for three months, and his brother only talked to him sparingly.

"Over Easter break I went home and things were somewhat back to normal, but I know it won't be a complete transition back to the way things were for a while," Pennuto said.

To show support for those who are still struggling with their sexual orientations, Pennuto participated in the recent Day of Silence-the country's largest student-led protest in which students pledge to not talk all day in recognition of the silence gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered youth face daily. More than 100 students signed up for the Wednesday, April 18, event, which was sponsored by Stopping Homophobia, Eliminating Prejudice, and Restoring Dignity (SHEPARD).

The protest ended with a Breaking the Silence event on Wednesday evening, which included a march through campus and a discussion of the day.

For Pennuto, the event was reaffirming but a painful reminder of how difficult it can be to live as a gay man at PC. 

"I really think that a lot of people on this campus don't recognize what the day is for and brush it off and think nothing of it, which obviously makes the day seem pointless," Pennuto said, adding his belief that some PC students are "clueless and ignorant about anything that has to do with diversity or stopping prejudice and racism."

In contrast, Michael McClellan '07, who told others he was gay during his senior year of high school, said that he has found many in the PC community to be accepting of his sexuality. He knows of others, however, who have not been so lucky.

"There are certainly many questions that are asked, which I think is really good because it allows me the opportunity to educate, but there are a lot of false ideas about being gay, such as that I will hit on every guy I meet or that I just didn't find the right girl," said McClellan, who is president of SHEPARD. "Although I haven't had a bad reaction when coming out, I would not feel comfortable holding hands with a boyfriend on this campus. I do know of gay students who have been harassed while on campus, some to the point where they actually transferred rooms, opted to live in a single or, in one case, moved off campus."

When he first revealed his sexual orientation, McClellan was unsure of how to cope with the realization that he was gay. "I ended up going to counseling with my parents to make them see they didn't do anything wrong and that I didn't choose to be gay," he said, noting his belief that homosexuality is caused by prenatal factors. "I laugh when people tell me that I chose to be gay because I don't think anyone would choose to be a minority and face persecution if given the option."

Educating others about homosexuality through groups such as SHEPARD is one way McClellan fights persecution.

"I think the fact that we have a group like SHEPARD on campus says a lot about the College," McClellan said. "SHEPARD has helped me feel proud of who I am and has helped me talk about it to others rather than feel like I need to be ashamed and keep it to myself. I have learned to challenge people in their thinking and truly think about how I can contribute to the Catholic Church as a gay man."

McClellan, who is a practicing Catholic, said he often feels ostracized by the Church because of teachings that refer to homosexuality as a kind of tendency. 

"I truly believe one of the largest fueling forces for homophobia is religion, and I wish the Church would do more to speak out against that and focus on how our faith can be used for good rather than judgment and persecution of others," McClellan said.

In speaking about homosexuality and the Church during an interview with The Cowl, College President Rev. Brian J. Shanley, O.P. expressed his support for SHEPARD and said homophobia-not homosexuality-is a sin.

"At the core, in so far as SHEPARD is trying to educate the campus about homosexuality, it is certainly a welcomed group on campus," Father Shanley said. "Gay people were made in the image and likeness of God, and they ought to be respected."

The issue, therefore, lies not so much in homosexuality itself but in the Church's belief that homosexuals must remain chaste. "There's nothing intrinsically wrong about being gay," Father Shanley said. "What matters is not your sexual orientation but your activity."

Many professors welcome classroom debate about the Church's strict teachings and homosexuality in general. Katy Beach '09, who is bisexual, said she has talked about homosexuality with many of the students in her sociology classes.

The discussions, she said, are necessary to help educate others, particularly those who are closed-minded. 

"I don't think people who are straight think of gays and lesbians as bad people but that what they're doing is immoral," said Beach, who revealed her sexual orientation when she was 17 years old but has yet to inform her parents for fear of their reaction.

Upon telling her PC friends, she found them to be accepting. "You come to a point where you just say, 'You know what? This is what I believe and this is who I am.'" 

Revealing one's homosexuality can result in having to confront stereotypes. Beach, a member of the Women's Hockey Team, said people make the untrue assumption that all of the women on the team are lesbians because they wear sweatpants and spend extended periods of time together. "It's an automatic link," said Beach. "That stereotype of lesbians having to be butch . . . and feminists-I don't get it."

 SHEPARD Vice President Ryan Bowley '08, who first came out to a teacher in high school, said those who do not fit certain stereotypes are often left feeling invisible.

"I think there's a lot of pressure to act macho if you're a man or to be girly if you're a woman," said Bowley, who remembers being told not to play with dolls when he was little. "The box of what it means to be a man is so small. Boys are told from a young age that they have to act a certain way or they're perceived as being gay."

Off-hand comments such as "That's so gay," only add to the problem. When he hears such remarks, Bowley tries to use the "Name it, claim it, stop it" tactic, in which he confronts the person making the derogatory comment, says how it made him feel, and asks the individual to refrain from making such comments in the future.

Confronting peers can be difficult, however, as "You'll spend a lot of time [preparing] yourself and then by the time you're ready to say something, they're already gone," said Bowley. "If you don't know the person, you don't want to come off looking like a jerk . . ." Going off campus and experiencing diversity in Providence is perhaps one of the best ways of easing tensions, Bowley added.

Though living comfortably as a homosexual at PC is possible, it remains a silent struggle for many.

"I think it all depends on how you present yourself and how you act. If you're clearly gay you'd have a lot more trouble on campus," Bowley said. "I think people who are more openly gay have to seek out somewhere where they are respected. It's just a matter of putting a lot more effort into finding your own place." 

SHEPARD meetings are held every Monday at 8:00 p.m. in the Feinstein Community Room on the fourth floor. Gays, lesbians, bisexual students, and straight allies are all invited to attend.