Before man had the opportunity to impress the opposite sex with tales of high SAT verbal scores or quotes from ancient philosophers, they were wandering the Earth in search of warmth, shelter, and food; basic survival techniques seemed much more important than working one's game. Leonard Nimoy, "in search of" the truth behind full moon fever, took part in a television program examining the animal nature of man.
If you're a complete freak, you may remember Leonard Nimoy as Freddy in a 1960 episode of the television show "Bonanza" (original airdate December 17, 1960). Any normal person, not stalking Leonardy Nimoy, would be familiar with him as "Spock" from "Star Trek." He was the guy with the ears that looked as if they'd been stuck in a vacuum for a lengthy period of time. Not just any vacuum; one of those crazy industrial ones that costs seventy-five cents a pop. And no matter what body part you get stuck in them, the gas station clerk always refuses to turn the machine off.
When man was in his primitive state, sometime before the creation of MTV, he would wait for a full moon. The moon made hunting easier, allowing for a full awareness of surroundings. As people evolved, along with the subsequent discovery of the MTV Network, full moons became less essential to entertainment and survival. The instinctive nature in man would remain. On nights of full moons these traits come out in full force (but only on nights when "TRL" is on re-runs). Statistics show that murder rates in some cities, on nights of full moons, have increased threefold. To people who can control homicidal urge, this extra aggression is redistributed into oddness in personality.
Personally, I save online conversations. Mainly because I'm demented, but also because I like to tell my friends they're experiments for my coffee table book on schizophrenics. They tell me they're not schizophrenic, mainly Italian, and part Irish. I don't believe them. Noticing that some of the weirder conversations happened on Thursday, November 1st, I did some research and found out that it was a full moon. I pictured Leonard Nimoy in the background, his ears twitching like a broken eggbeater, admiring my research.
In Connecticut, my friend Brad and I are in a hardcore band. Contemplating a quality, but of a different genre, song to cover for a 7" vinyl release, the following occurred:
Craig (not sXe): If we did that Ja Rule/J-Lo song we could be cool like them.
Craig: See, I told you...
Brad (formerly sXe): damn, why didn't I listen.... Please forgive me.
Brad: Are there any dance-song cover comps, we're all over that Gloria Estefan trash.
Craig: Damn right... You can't go on without me... I swear!
The second occurrence took place with another close friend of mine, Matt. I was in the middle of doing some research for a term paper on Aaron Burr and was wondering what he might be able to contribute to the paper. Too bad Matt ate a big bowl of clueless earlier in the evening.
Craig: Do you know who Aaron Burr is?
Matt (pXr): Why? Did she just IM you?
Craig: Huh? You know a girl named Aaron Burr?
Matt: Sounds familiar.
Craig: You idiot. Aaron Burr was Thomas Jefferson's first vice president.
The world might just be better off if these hoodlums were out on their respective city streets causing bedlam, instead of destroying a fragile online community. The next full moon is on December 30th, so gather your collectable He-Man Action figures, New Kids on the Block comforter and pillow set and lock them in a safe location. Most importantly, stay off the streets and for my sake, stay offline.
Be the first to comment on this article! Log in to Comment
You must be logged in to comment on an article. Not already a member? Register now