2008 Woodie Awards
Tiffany&Earl
Making PC an emotionally stable place, one letter at a time . . .
Issue date: 10/2/08 Section: Portfolio
Dear Tiffany and Earl,
What do you do when you have to tell your parents you've done something stupid? (And I mean, really stupid.) I For reasons that are probably best left unsaid, my brand spankin' new laptop is currently in two halves. I'm dead, dead, dead. What should I do-break it to them gently, lie through my teeth, straight up confess, or something else? Please help!
-One Who is Rapidly Approaching Death
Dear One. . .etc.:
(In the future, follow the solemnly promulagated law of advice columns and choose a psuedonym that can be easily abbreviated.)
There's a remarkably corny joke that my father loves in which it is decided that the proper way to break bad news to someone is to do so in degrees. For example, if your brother's cat dies while you're watching it you shouldn't call and say, "Hey, your cat's dead." Instead you should ease him into the sad tidings. "Hey, your cat is on the roof," is a better opening.
So, you have a laptop that's broken in half. What you don't do is call your parents and say, "My laptop is currently in two halves." Try something more ambiguous, though no less true.
"I had to write my paper in the library today since my computer isn't working right now. . .Yeah, I know that it's brand new, I think there might be something wrong with the motherboard…"
Your parental unit doesn't need to know that the problem with your motherboard is that it's been snapped in two. Instead, just assure your parents that you will take the computer to get checked out.
And really get it checked out, too (we're being honest, remember). Of course you'll get laughed at when you produce the mangled carcass of what was once a top-of-the-line computer, but this will allow you to continue your charade.
"Yeah, Mom, I brought it in, but the guy at the computer place said that there's no hope of fixing it."
And so you've told your parents the truth, and avoided certain death.
…Or you could be honest and just hope that whatever story led to the destruction of the laptop is funny enough that your parents will forgive you and move on.
What do you do when you have to tell your parents you've done something stupid? (And I mean, really stupid.) I For reasons that are probably best left unsaid, my brand spankin' new laptop is currently in two halves. I'm dead, dead, dead. What should I do-break it to them gently, lie through my teeth, straight up confess, or something else? Please help!
-One Who is Rapidly Approaching Death
Dear One. . .etc.:
(In the future, follow the solemnly promulagated law of advice columns and choose a psuedonym that can be easily abbreviated.)
There's a remarkably corny joke that my father loves in which it is decided that the proper way to break bad news to someone is to do so in degrees. For example, if your brother's cat dies while you're watching it you shouldn't call and say, "Hey, your cat's dead." Instead you should ease him into the sad tidings. "Hey, your cat is on the roof," is a better opening.
So, you have a laptop that's broken in half. What you don't do is call your parents and say, "My laptop is currently in two halves." Try something more ambiguous, though no less true.
"I had to write my paper in the library today since my computer isn't working right now. . .Yeah, I know that it's brand new, I think there might be something wrong with the motherboard…"
Your parental unit doesn't need to know that the problem with your motherboard is that it's been snapped in two. Instead, just assure your parents that you will take the computer to get checked out.
And really get it checked out, too (we're being honest, remember). Of course you'll get laughed at when you produce the mangled carcass of what was once a top-of-the-line computer, but this will allow you to continue your charade.
"Yeah, Mom, I brought it in, but the guy at the computer place said that there's no hope of fixing it."
And so you've told your parents the truth, and avoided certain death.
…Or you could be honest and just hope that whatever story led to the destruction of the laptop is funny enough that your parents will forgive you and move on.
Be the first to comment on this story