2008 Woodie Awards
Anti-drinking songs
Eight songs that show listeners how not to abuse alcohol
Maggie Vernon
Issue date: 3/1/07 Section: Arts & Entertainment
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Abusing alcohol is no laughing matter. We, as college students, may make light of the fact that we drink much more than the recommended "one glass of red wine" per day, or that some of us may have used highly questionable means of identification to procure a pitcher of equally as questionable alcohol long before we were legally able to do so.
However, as the recently released dissertation on Addressing the Abuse of Alcohol on Campus vividly projects, our College (and our parents, and our livers, and our dignity) might be right in saying, "Hey Joe College, do you really need that eighth shot of Karkoff?" In the spirit of the music industry, an institution that has consistently provided us with examples of how not to act in the presence of alcohol, let us ponder a few classic tracks that remind us that Black Out City is not always the most desired destination.
Brand New
"Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis"
Probably the creepiest song the band has ever written, this ominous depiction of a predatory guy taking a girl home after boozing at the bar crescendos with the lyrics, "I will lie awake/lie for fun and fake the way I hold you/let you fall for every empty word I say." This guy sounds like a class act-a veritable Jack the Emotional Ripper for the new millennium.
The Kinks
"Alcohol"
The Kinks don't waste time trying to celebrate the effects of the drink in their classic tune. As it intertwines the dangers of everything from rum to port to tequila with a depressing narrative about a man who loses everything-including his memory- this song will make anyone reevaluate his or her loyalty to liquor.
George Thorogood
"I Drink Alone"
Dear George: Drinking that much whiskey probably isn't a good thing. Specifically when you're alone. Oh, and it's before breakfast. Try some Cocoa Puffs instead. Love always, Jess
Chumbawumba
"Tubthumping"
If you take anything away from this song, let it be this: Relying too much on the whiskey drink, the vodka drink, the lager drink, and the cider drink will impair your creative ability so much so that you will only be able to write one annoying one-hit-wonder and then never be heard from again. And Chumbawumba? Clearly someone was slurring his words.
However, as the recently released dissertation on Addressing the Abuse of Alcohol on Campus vividly projects, our College (and our parents, and our livers, and our dignity) might be right in saying, "Hey Joe College, do you really need that eighth shot of Karkoff?" In the spirit of the music industry, an institution that has consistently provided us with examples of how not to act in the presence of alcohol, let us ponder a few classic tracks that remind us that Black Out City is not always the most desired destination.
Brand New
"Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis"
Probably the creepiest song the band has ever written, this ominous depiction of a predatory guy taking a girl home after boozing at the bar crescendos with the lyrics, "I will lie awake/lie for fun and fake the way I hold you/let you fall for every empty word I say." This guy sounds like a class act-a veritable Jack the Emotional Ripper for the new millennium.
The Kinks
"Alcohol"
The Kinks don't waste time trying to celebrate the effects of the drink in their classic tune. As it intertwines the dangers of everything from rum to port to tequila with a depressing narrative about a man who loses everything-including his memory- this song will make anyone reevaluate his or her loyalty to liquor.
George Thorogood
"I Drink Alone"
Dear George: Drinking that much whiskey probably isn't a good thing. Specifically when you're alone. Oh, and it's before breakfast. Try some Cocoa Puffs instead. Love always, Jess
Chumbawumba
"Tubthumping"
If you take anything away from this song, let it be this: Relying too much on the whiskey drink, the vodka drink, the lager drink, and the cider drink will impair your creative ability so much so that you will only be able to write one annoying one-hit-wonder and then never be heard from again. And Chumbawumba? Clearly someone was slurring his words.