August 14, 2020

The Valium Soap and Klonopin Nightmares

posted on: Thursday March 18, 2010

Daniel James ’11 / Portfolio Staff

That didn’t work as I hoped.My skin crawls with termites gnawing from the inside, curdling the outside of my flesh with rugged goosebumps. I can feel them shifting around inside of me, like spiders that crawl on top of you when you’re just starting to fall asleep at night. You wait for the comfort of pseudo-extinction, only to be disturbed by eight frantic legs tickling your skin. They send chills down your spine, like shockwaves from a meteor hitting an ocean, don’t they?They do for me too, but I should stop talking to myself in the third person. I run my nails against my dirty skin, but they’re chipped and do nothing but leave crimson stencils along my arm. I half-expect the little bugs to come crawling out like toxic waste leaking out of a chemical barrel. I can almost see them floating down my bloodstream like they’re partying on inflatable tubes. I want to be irritated by this – I want to feel some level of anger. My eyes should be burning with rage as I watch them live it up at my expense. I should fight the urge to chew my arm into a bloody stump like a rabid animal. Yeah, that’ll show them.Instead, I close my eyes and walk into the shower. It’s Brian’s shower—I can tell because the bathroom the mirror is covered in that white crust that spontaneously appears, growing off the mirror like a fungus. The tiles look like decaying teeth, overlapping one another crookedly with chips and dents in them. It takes a second for me to smell decaying eggs rotting away, seeping from behind the closed shower curtain. I fling the curtain back like a magician pulling away his magic cloak.And for my next trick I will reveal a dead body lying three weeks old in the shower! His cheeks have melted away, and with what little skin remains on his flesh has turned grey and sags like wet glue! His hair looks like your old toothbrush that you kept using long after the bristles started to come apart! Take a picture!You’re talking to yourself again, you know that right?Yeah, I know. I need to work on that.I don’t bother taking off my clothes as I step into the shower. I think about moving the extra company in the shower, but he was there before me and so really I’m the one imposing on him. I crank up the heat to full blast, hoping he doesn’t mind a hot shower, but only steam comes out. The rushing sound of water escaping its prison from inside the showerhead, and the drumming of thousands of liberated molecules dancing against my skin is there, but there is no water. I look down at my shower buddy, wondering if this is a practical joke he’s playing on me. He doesn’t grin back, and his white, lackluster cloudy eyes don’t seem exuberant from a good joke. He doesn’t talk much, and even though he’s been sitting in this shower for at least a couple weeks, he hasn’t bothered to do anything about his B.O. What an asshole this guy must’ve been.I reach for the soap but it feels chalky and unwelcoming. The soap should be white, but instead it’s a baby blue color that’s soothing to my eyes. I rub it softly against my scratched arm. My muscles turn into powder, my skin unraveling itself. I take a closer look at the soap. Little blue circles melted together with heart-like V’s in the middle of each one. A stupid smile forms across my face as I bring the pill-created soap to my teeth and take a bite out of it. Hello Valium, my old friend.Weightless now. No more tightness. Everything smooth inside, like wax. Bones replaced with helium. I’m floating like a rock to the ground. I can feel everything I am explode like a pi

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