October 24, 2020

21-Year-Old Child

posted on: Thursday November 12, 2015

by Joey Aiello ’17

Portfolio Staff

Eric: Do you know what you want to do after college yet?
Andrew: No, are you kidding?
Eric: Dude, we’re graduating in like a year and a half—you have to have some idea, at least a direction to go in?
Andrew: I guess I have a direction, I just have no idea what I want to do—it feels so soon to decide.
Eric: You just turned 21, you’re basically a real adult now.
Andrew: I’m not an adult!
Eric: Yes you are.
Andrew: Adults get married, then have kids, then their kids have kids, then they die.
Eric: Dude, if you’re not an adult, then what would you call yourself?
Andrew: I don’t know! But I know I’m not an adult—like for instance, the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is watch Snapchat stories like they’re the morning paper. This morning I started my day by watching a 10 second video of a girl I went to high school with win a beer pong game. That’s not what adults do, they read The Economist or some crap.
Eric: What is your understanding of an adult?
Andrew: I don’t know, but it’s sure as hell not me.
Eric: You made a resume last week, that’s adult-like.
Andrew: I made a resume because my mom told me if I sent her a completed resume that looked like I put some effort into it within the week she’d buy me the new Halo game as a reward. A reward, Eric! My mom still gives me rewards.
Eric: Okay well it’s not your mom’s fault you’re a 21-year-old child.
Andrew: But that’s my point exactly—how am I supposed to be graduating and feeling like an adult when I still feel like a kid? Like with that resume thing, yeah I went to the on-campus resume workshop, and then immediately proceeded home to watch Spongebob and eat PopTarts in my pajamas.
Eric: That’s just a fun thing to do. Adults can still have fun, Andrew.
Andrew: How many adults do you know? All adults are sad and resentful and regret not doing that thing they could have done that could have made their life so much cooler, but can’t do now because they’re old.
Eric: Why is your understanding of an adult the character in every romantic comedy that society suggests is too old to still be single?
Andrew: Okay, Eric, what do you want to do after graduation? Let’s hear it.
Eric: Well, remember the accounting internship I did over the summer?
Andrew: The one at that big place downtown?
Eric: Yeah, well they really liked me and I’ve been in touch with them and they want me to work for them after graduation.
Andrew: Oh wow, that’s really great, if that’s what you want.
Eric: Well my parents are really happy with it, and they told me that in five years I’m guaranteed a promotion as long as I work hard.
Andrew: But doesn’t that bum you out?
Eric: Does what bum me out?
Andrew: That you basically already know exactly what you’re going to be doing for at least the next five years.
Eric: Would you rather have no idea? That’s terrifying.
Andrew: I think that’s exciting.
Eric: How do you expect to make any money that way?
Andrew: I don’t know, Eric, all I know is that if you told me in one year I’d walk into the place where I’m going to be for the rest of my life I’d drop out of school immediately and do something else.
Eric: What’s wrong with having job security?
Andrew: Nothing is wrong with it, it’s just not for me.
Eric: Is anything right for you?
Andrew: I just don’t know what I want to do yet, and I don’t want to just make a resume to work in a nice place that’s safe and then end up just slipping into staying there year after year because it’s safe and I’m afraid to venture out and try new things.
Eric: It sounds like someone needs a night with Spongebob and a box of Brown Sugar PopTarts.
Andrew: I really want to watch Spongebob now.
Eric: Said the 21-year-old.
Andrew: If I put on Spongebob right now, you’re telling me you’re not going to watch it?
Eric: I never said that.

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