October 24, 2020

Texticate

posted on: Thursday October 1, 2015

by Joey Aiello ’17

Portfolio Staff

Two guys sitting in a car

John: Sam finally texted me back, hopefully she’s not mad at me anymore.

iPhone screen
Sam: we should talk later
John: ok

Cut to two girls at lunch

Jess: What’d he say?
Sam: He said okay.
Jess: But how’d he spell it?
Sam: Does that matter?
Jess: Yes, o-k-a-y means okay, but just o-k, means they’re mad or annoyed.
Sam: What the hell! He just said o-k.
Jess: He’s definitely annoyed with you then.
Sam: But I didn’t do anything! I just said I wanted to talk.
Jess: He probably doesn’t want to talk.

iPhone screen
Sam: Does our relationship mean anything to you?

Back with the two guys in the car

John: What the hell?
Evan: What’d she say?
John: She just comes out of nowhere with, “Does our relationship mean anything to you?”
Evan: Well, what’d you say?
John: She said we should talk later and I said okay.
Evan: How’d you say okay?
John: Okay?
Evan: Yeah, but how’d you spell it?
John: O-K
Evan: Ahh that’s the mad okay.
John: What…
Evan: Yeah most people only use that spelling when they want to imply they’re annoyed.
John: How the hell was I supposed to know that?!
Evan: I don’t know, you’re just supposed to I guess. It’s like an unwritten rule.

iPhone screen
John: I didn’t mean anything by that spelling of okay
Sam: Oh so you know there’s a difference?
John: I guess?
Sam: Do I annoy you John?
John: Is this really over how I spelled a word?
Sam: It’s so much more than that

Back to the two guys in the car

John: Who comes up with this stuff?
Evan: Everything kind of just happens and you’re just supposed to know it. Like for instance, there’s emojis now, so if you use the semi colon and parenthesis smiley face then you come across creepy because only old guys on Facebook are still using that crap.
John: You can’t even use that anymore?
Evan: You have the emoji keyboard right?
John: Yeah.
Evan: So why would you need to? You have a better option now.
John: It just seems weird to me that people can imply context off of such meaningless things.
Evan: Hey them’s the times, man.
John: Who’s said “them’s the times” this decade?
Evan: Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
John: Okay now you’re just rattling off uselessly vague sayings…this all just seems so arbitrary, none of this would happen in real conversation.
Evan: Texting is a different beast my friend. There’s so many unwritten rules. Another one is don’t have your read receipts on.
John: Why not? Isn’t it good to know if someone saw my text?
Evan: No! It’s such a power trip to do that. If you have your read receipts on you never look okay when you stop answering. It’s like I saw your text three hours ago and I didn’t answer because I don’t give a damn about you!
John: But that’s never the case at all!
Evan: But that’s what it feels like.
John: I don’t want to text anymore.

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