January 16, 2019

Tiff and Earl

posted on: Monday November 19, 2018

Dear Tiff and Earl,

I do not want to go home for Thanksgiving because I know my pesky relatives will ask what I am doing with my post-grad life this spring. Truth is I have no idea and I will probably not make it to graduation because I failed so many exams in the past couple of days (SRW did me dirty). Please send me some help and Pedialyte.

-Soon to be
Unemployed & Unenrolled

 

Hi Unemployed and Unenrolled,

First of all, love your name, is it French?

Second of all, I for one love Thanksgiving because it allows me to pester my nieces and nephews about their future plans to make myself feel better about the place my own kids are in! So, I say suck it up and help your Aunt Karen feel better about her own daughter’s bull-ring nose piercing! But, if you really are worried about disappointing every single member of your immediate and extended family in one fell swoop, try and get the topic onto politics so you can slip away to your siblings and your fun cousin.

Gobble, gobble!
Tiff

 

Dear Uninteresting,

Just find that weird uncle at Thanksgiving who did the same thing when he was in college. He’ll help you understand how to use your white male privilege to succeed despite your lack of dedication! Then just conveniently take large bites of food anytime another relative asks you about post-grad life so you can just chew until they lose interest and move on.

Regrettably,
Earl

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

Features