Dear Tiff and Earl, It’s me again. My COVID-19 lover and I don’t know what to wear for Halloween—we want a good couple’s costume idea. Thoughts? Sincerely, Caught Feelings (and COVID) Dear Heartswab, Darling, I am positively bursting with couples costume ideas. Two halves of a Kit Kat. Dean Sears and his lollipop. Beef and […]
I dipped my spoon into the Jell-O in front of me and lifted it to my mouth. I had never seen white Jell-O with little red spider veins before, and it was unexpectedly chewy. Kate Ward ’23 Laughter can be such a pleasant noise. That is, unless you live alone and hear it all […]
Worst Candy to Get in Your Trick-or-Treat Basket Milk Duds Candy corn with the chocolate on the bottom Granola bars Apples Green Kit Kats Black licorice Toothpaste 100 Grand bars Laffy Taffy Dots Anything grape flavored (tastes like cough medicine) Bit-O-Honey Circus peanuts PayDays Lemonheads Hard grandma candies Scorpion candy Tootsie Rolls (especially the fruit-flavored […]
Ways to de-stress during Midterms Count your ceiling tiles Count the squares in the wall Talk to your cinderblocks Take a walk down Chad Brown Smell markers Go Halloween decoration shopping and get scared by some of the ones in Target that jump out at you Start manifesting Start knitting Sleep on top of your […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, None of my professors can ever find dry-erase markers. Where have they all gone? Sincerely, Weekend Whiteboard Worrier Dear Weekend Whiteboard Worrier, Your professors know exactly where those markers are. This is a power play. When your professor is fumbling at the podium, and her eyes start darting […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, How do I protect myself from contracting the PC Plague? Everyone has walking pneumonia and keeps lifting their mask in the middle of class to cough and sneeze. Sincerely, At Least It’s Not COVID Dear At Least It’s Not COVID, Believe you me, I know it’s hard when you’re the only […]
Who Should Perform At Late Night Madness? Strictly Speaking Special Guest Anaclastic Friar Dom and Huxley as a duet The Yodeling Kid (Mason Ramsey) The Wiggles Dixie D’Amelio Trisha Paytas Lil Nas X’s baby The PC Pep Band Father Shanley Alabama sorority girls Fifth graders doing the Whip and Nae-Nae The Hype House
Dear Tiff and Earl, Rumor has it that Jack Harlow is performing at Late Night Madness this year. How do I secure front row seats, and how do I also secure Jack Harlow? Sincerely, Jack Harlow’s (Industry) Baby Dear Jack Harlow’s Baby, Step one: purchase a ticket and a grappling hook. Step two: research as […]
Weirdest Reasons People Get Fined Breaking a ceiling tile (and bringing it outside for some reason) Pulling the fire alarm as a social experiment Opening the emergency door to throw out a beer bottle Opening the emergency door to sneak friends in Breaking the dryer door Stealing a COVID sign Breaking into the telephone and […]
Most interesting stickers I’ve seen on campus Bo Burnham quotes Stickers from bananas Father Shanley’s face Huxley The “Berries and Cream” guy The ones they gave out during orientation week B.O.P. stickers on people’s laptops who aren’t in B.O.P. A singular wooden spoon Apple logo stickers on MacBooks Stickers from hometowns/states Faded involvement fair stickers […]