posted on: Friday February 8, 2019
Dear Tiff and Earl
Do you believe in climate change? I keep trying to convince my friends that it is real, but they won’t listen. How else can it go from freezing in a Polar Vortex to feeling like I should be on a beach somewhere? What should I do to convince those around me that it is real?
Dear Tree Hugger,
The simple answer is: get new friends. If there’s anything to learn from the current political climate of the U.S., it’s that you should always surround yourself with people who think the same as you. Also, your friends are stupid if they don’t believe scientific study after scientific study. But what do I know, I’m just a fake columnist!
Dear Tree Slug,
Just like President Trump, your friends think they know best. The President doesn’t believe in climate change, only walls and Diet Coke. Just build a wall around your friends so that they can be protected from the intelligent beings around them. Toss in a few seasons of Game of Thrones along with a case of Diet Coke and they’ll be fine until the oceans flood over them and they realize they were wrong all along.