May 19, 2019

Tiff and Earl

posted on: Thursday March 21, 2019

Dear Tiff and Earl,

I have just come back from spring break, and I was visiting my friend in France. I am still jet-lagged, tired, and in serious post-break withdrawal. How do I adjust to being back at school?

Sincerely,
Mr. Cosmopolitan

 

Dear Favorite Drink,

I love France so much! I look at pictures of it all the time, and it looks so nice. No wonder you didn’t want to leave! My recommendation is to use all of your leftover euros to buy some caffeine pills—that’ll wake you right up and get you back in the school spirit!

Welcome back!
Tiff

 

Dear Cosmo & Wanda,

If you’re rich enough to go all the way to France for spring break, you can afford to skip class, or just pay someone to go for you. Then you can relax while your servants go to Ray for you, attend crew practice for you, etc… That way, all you’ll have to do is relax until it’s time to make your  next sponsored post for Instagram. Gotta pay Mommy’s bail somehow!

Smoochies,
Earl

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