August 20, 2019

Tiff and Earl

posted on: Thursday April 11, 2019

Dear Tiff and Earl,

I’m having a lot of trouble trying to slog through the last few weeks of the semester and Easter just can’t come soon enough. Do either of you have any advice on how to get through these last weeks?

Sincerely,
Senioritis

 

Hi Older and Lazier,

I remember when it was my last year of the doctoral program in chemical biology; everyone was cooking frogs and dissecting walruses. It was the 80s, it was crazy and wild. Nowadays you get in trouble for such activities, even when you’re almost done with it all. That’s just ridiculous! Take a note from me: be wild and free!

Best,
Tiff

 

Dear Gingivitis,

Stop complaining, you pay a gazillion dollars to go here and you can’t make it through a couple of weeks. Do what I do: chew on some caffeine pills for an appetizer, chug a Red Bull for the main course, and finish off with three 5-hour Energy drinks for a dessert. This way you can finish your senior capstone, study for that final, and write the next great American novel all in the same night. Don’t worry, your mind will give out before your heart.

Best Wishes,
Earl

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