September 16, 2019

Tiff and Earl

posted on: Thursday May 2, 2019

Dear Tiff and Earl,

My parents just called me and said that they cannot help me move out after my last final exam because they are taking a trip down to Florida to “get a summer tan.” How do I get all my stuff out of my room and go home?

Trying to get home,
Dorothy Gale

 

Dear Dorothy Gale, 

That is quite the predicament you’ve got yourself in. I would recommend, as a devout Catholic, that you pray. Pray that Daenerys Targaryen will arrive with her mighty dragons, pick you and your belongings up, and fly you home in a fantastical display of mythology come to life. Or call an aunt, that might help too. 

Best,
Tiff of House Tiff, Last of Her Name

 

Dear Miss Gale, 

That’s A+ parenting right there. Here’s what I would do in that situation: find a friend who can store all of your boxes in their garage, and hop on the next flight to Florida. When your parents are in line for the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disney, make sure you are right in front of them, then turn around and say hello. It’ll really be a small world for them.

Enjoy Florida,
Earl

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