Dear Tiff and Earl,
What is the proper etiquette when there are potentially-suspicious activities going on in the shower stall next to me?
Not So Squeaky Clean
Dear Not So Squeaky Clean,
Ummmm, what? What, I mean, I, I just have no idea what you’re talking about. At all. I have no idea. I mean, I have such a lack of an understanding of what you’re trying to ask me, that I mean, I just can’t even begin to imagine how to advise you.
I just, yeah, this has just so completely just never actually ever happened to me ever, that, y’know?
I am just, so sorry I can’t help. Really. But, y’know, I just, I can’t relate. Ha! Sorry.
Good luck though! And I mean, I don’t know, maybe start using another stall?
Dear Mr. Clean,
Well, at least you are taking showers. I wish my neighbors would follow suit, but that’s apparently too much to ask. The only way to confront suspicious shower activity is to face it head on: swipe open all the curtains and talk to your floor-mates. Nothing brings out the truth like man-to-man eye contact. If you see two sets of feet under the curtain, save your eyes and leave the curtain shut. Instead, just spray cold water from your shower into theirs. Any funny business will quickly shrivel up.