Listomania: Christmas Gifts for Your Haters
A Snowball-ed House
Blockbuster/Borders Gift Certificates
The Torch (as a Plushie, a Keychain, a Decal…You Name It)
A Bag of Flaming Poop
A Restraining Order
A Gym Membership
A Slap in the Face
A Six-Pack of Deodorant
A Bella Thorne Poster
Unsolicited Eggplant Pics
Tickets to Fyre Festival
An Extra Semester of Civ
A Sears Coupon
Tiff and Earl
Making PC an emotionally stable place one letter at a time…*
Dear Tiff and Earl,
How do I survive the Hunger Games-style battle for study spaces this finals week?
The Tribute of District McVinney
Ha ha ha. Sorry, I just remember the days when I was in your position—so concerned about finals and grades and GPAs. My dear, here’s how I survive it: just throw in the towel.
You could go the library early and reserve a space by throwing your coat there to indicate someone’s there, but it just takes soooo much effort. I’ve decided to just float on by when it comes to finals. So you won’t be finding me in the business school, library, or Slavin getting my work done.
Interestingly though, I’ve noticed the new Moore Hall tends to have a lot of room for students to study there. Funny how students and administration went on and on about how we could use the building for events and studying, but it is pretty empty! Good thing we put our money to good use for those renovations, am I right?
It’s likely that isn’t actually factual, because I spend most days sleeping off my hangover from the night before, but hey, just thought I’d let ya know.
Good luck with finals,
Study spaces? Is that when people put two spaces in between sentences, like some kind of twentieth century grammatical barbarian? Anyway, you’ll find everything you need in the cornucopia, A.K.A. the torch. That’s where the College has invested all of its money to help students! What better to get you through chilly nights of studying than an enormous fake campfire in the middle of the Slavin wind tunnel? Ask and you shall receive, as long as you are a wealthy alumnus of the College.
*Tiff & Earl are fictitious and satirical characters whose answers do not reflect the views of Providence College or The Cowl.