Tiff & Earl
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I’m turning 21 over Columbus Day weekend, but all my friends are going home. I’m going to be all alone in my apartment. What should I do?
Let’s face it, your “friends” weren’t going to celebrate your bday even if they were around. Go to some bar downtown and talk it out with the bartender, it’s not like he hasn’t served loners before.
Go make friends with Jack Daniels, I’ve heard he’s a great guy.
Lol sry not sry,
Your only remaining option is to light dozens of ~flameless~ candles, put Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” on repeat, and dig into some Ben & Jerry’s. It’s going to be a long weekend.