Dear Tiff and Earl, Is it proper for women to be learned? Sincerely, Sir Clement Pickleton VII No. Stay as undereducated as possible. No education = no job = a great excuse for a guy to pay for all your drinks (even after you’re 21). Also, men are intimidated by smart women, so if […]
Shopping Spree (i.e. a bottle of wine and Amazon Prime) Dip in the Koi Pond Eat Donuts Bungee Jump Off of the Torch Start Studying for Finals Prescription Drugs Drop Out Binge the Show Leaving Netflix Next Week Look at Transfer Applications Ignore Calls from Home Make a Voodoo Doll of Your Professor See if […]
by Dawyn Henriquez ’19 She slipped the wedding band off like it was a long-dreaded hangnail that she was finally able to clip. She couldn’t help but seem delighted in taking it off, as if ridding herself of the husband who often had her come back to me with bruises the color of eggplants […]
by Julia Zygiel ’19 and Kiley McMahon ’20 Blood coats the floors, a trail of it leading out the door to the driveway. Stephen King: “So… this is why you called me here?” Gillian Flynn: “Stephen, there is no time for questions. I need to hide the evidence before the police come and you […]
by Sam Pellman ’20 Just as the seasons change it is only right that we should too. Following close behind Summer is Fall ready to show the world its charm. Yet the beginning of Fall doesn’t mean the end of bliss. It means a chance to restart and get a grip on life. With each […]
by Jay Willett ’20 One of the first places they showed me when I stepped onto campus was a pond tucked between the back alleys, like a young elementary student who misbehaved and was receiving punishment. Perhaps it didn’t deserve such punishment, being hidden away from all enjoyment and all life. I’ve only seen […]
by Jessica Polanco ’20 If I had to choose between the moon and the sun I would choose to stay in-between. I would make believe that the skies in my world Can stay gray forever. I would swim in belief that the night and day are no home for my soul. Although it shines […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, Why is Ruane Café NOT open on weekends? I find this a terrible and grave injustice. How can I live without my nightly Allie’s Donut and caramel macchiato? Sincerely, Weekdays Are For Losers Dear Weekends are for Losers, I have no idea why the Ruane Café is not open on […]
“We have to talk about the hot poker up the butt.” “Legit. Wait, do kids still say that?” “It did NOT involve penetration!” “Stop being high and contribute to the conversation.” “Yes, these people are naked.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to slap you.” “So you would eat somebody?” “You’d better be texting, not doing […]