by Connor Zimmerman on January 30, 2020
Features
Move the pizza again (it’s messing with my feng shui)
Bring back the panini station
Give me iced tea or give me death
Paint it in a neoclassical style
Carpet all of Ray (and I mean all of it)
Have every menu curated by Paul Rudd
Get Ray onto [insert Food Network show here]
Make the pasta sauce less watery
Get normal toasters instead of the incinerators there now
Replace the lettuce with more salad toppings
Hire Remy from Ratatouille (might as well put the rats to good use)
Make it so I don’t need an atlas to find the utensils
Dress as the Blue Man Group instead of the red aprons
Make Dot the head of PR for Ray
Give more Friar Bucks to the 7 meal plans as well (P.S. I’m a broke senior)
Be open later on the weekends to nourish my hangovers
Alumni should be open on Sunday…there I said it.