Tag: Listomania
Listomania: Resolutions We’ve Already Broken
by The Cowl Editor on January 25, 2018
Features
Going to the Gym
Being a Nice Person
Staying Within My Dunkin’ Budget
Not Binging Game of Thrones
Going to Ray More Often
Quitting My Horrible Job
Showing Up to My 8:30 a.m. Class
Destroying Philosophy
Not Watching Cat Videos
Not Consuming Fried Chicken
Not Wearing Sweats to Class
Organizing My Dorm Room
Reading More
Not Having an Emotional Breakdown Every Night
Listomania: Things We Didn’t Want To Do Over Break, But Did
by The Cowl Editor on January 18, 2018
Features
Got Rabies Shots
Ate Fruitcake
Shoveled Snow
Worked
Wore Pajamas for 48 hours straight
Applied to Law School
Existed
Looked at Final Grades
Got Stranded in an Airport, Twice
Wrote a Thesis
Answered Family Questions About Our Five-Year Plans
Looked For a Summer Job
Ate Christmas Leftovers for a Week
Pretended to Get Excited When Seeing Our High School Classmates
Nothing
Listomania: Christmas Gifts for Your Haters
by The Cowl Editor on December 8, 2017
Christmas
A Snowball-ed House
Blockbuster/Borders Gift Certificates
The Torch (as a Plushie, a Keychain, a Decal…You Name It)
Figgy Pudding
Fruitcake
Feral Cats
A Bag of Flaming Poop
A Restraining Order
Spray-On Hair
Re-Gifted Presents
A Gym Membership
A Slap in the Face
A Six-Pack of Deodorant
A Bella Thorne Poster
Unsolicited Eggplant Pics
Tickets to Fyre Festival
An Extra Semester of Civ
A Sears Coupon
Listomania: Best Ways to Increase Your Holiday Weight Gain
by The Cowl Editor on November 30, 2017
Features
Consume all the Soft Serve in Ray
Binge-Watch Netflix*
Go Black Friday Shopping on a Scooter
Visit a Chocolate Buffet
Marry a Haven Brother
Boycott the Gym
Listen to Justin Bieber…or Chris Brown
Procrastinate, With Subsequent All-Nighters
Kälteen Bars
Door-to-Door Christmas Parties
Leftover Halloween Candy
Double-Fried Turkey
Try all Starbucks Holiday Drinks, in Venti
*while binge-eating
Listomania: Things We’re Thankful For This Year
by The Cowl Editor on November 16, 2017
Features
Roommates
Traffic on I-95
Doors Getting Slammed in Our Faces
RIPTA Schedules
The End of Prohibition
Low-Profit Bookstore Buybacks
Morning Mail
Not Having Screens on Dorm Windows
Friar Dom’s Terrifying Mouth
PC Squirrels
Joe Biden’s Book Tour
Communal Bathrooms
North Dakota
Llamas
Listomania: Weirdest Nicknames Ever
by The Cowl Editor on November 9, 2017
Features
Clammy
Doo Doo*
Dingleberry
Merm
Jo-Jo Banks
Bugs
Beaner
Bubby
Rotten Egg White
Pagina
Carlos Danger
Fungus
Dixie
Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez
*for a sophomore in college
Listomania: Civ Colloquia We Wish Were Offered
by The Cowl Editor on November 2, 2017
Features
Naptime Through the Ages
Historical Accuracy of Game of Thrones
The Science of Chicken McNuggets
The Study of the Torch
Raunchy Greek Art
Development of Eastern Civilization
The Rise of Dunkin’ Donuts
History of Dentistry
Pets in the Ancient World
The Art of Sodexo
Harry Potter and the Allegory of the Cave
History of Azeroth
The Philosophy of Facebook
The Kardashians
How to Survive a Nuclear War
Listomania: Worst “Candy” You Can Receive For Halloween
by The Cowl Editor on October 26, 2017
Features
A Rock
A Pocket Dictionary
An Orange
A Box of Raisins
Airplane Peanuts
Nothing, they wouldn’t open the door
A Toothbrush
Stale Starburst
Cough Drops
A Head of Cabbage
Last Halloween’s Candy
Knock-off Tootsie Rolls
Fig Newtons
Nature Valley Granola Bars
Cheez-Its
Pencils
Black Licorice
Fortune Cookies
Listomania: Ways to Recover from Midterms*
by The Cowl Editor on October 19, 2017
Features
Shopping Spree (i.e. a bottle of wine and Amazon Prime)
Dip in the Koi Pond
Eat Donuts
Bungee Jump Off of the Torch
Start Studying for Finals
Prescription Drugs
Drop Out
Binge the Show Leaving Netflix Next Week
Look at Transfer Applications
Ignore Calls from Home
Make a Voodoo Doll of Your Professor
See if the Add/Drop Period is Still Open
Form a Support Group
Go on a “Rate My Professor” Tirade
Seek Counseling
*The Cowl neither supports nor endorses these suggestions…except the one with the donuts.
Listomania: Things Our Professors Say
by The Cowl Editor on October 5, 2017
Features
“We have to talk about the hot poker up the butt.”
“Legit. Wait, do kids still say that?”
“It did NOT involve penetration!”
“Stop being high and contribute to the conversation.”
“Yes, these people are naked.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to slap you.”
“So you would eat somebody?”
“You’d better be texting, not doing anything else down there…”
“My goal is to help you all have happy marriages.”
Unintelligible Ranting About Keyboards.
“Have you met my dog? He knows German.”
“Stop turning up at noon! I can hear you across the street!”
“Here’s a sculpture of a Woman holding Woman’s Best Friend*.”
“You’re not being devious enough…”
“I can tell this is a group that drinks.”
“You guys are being too diligent, stop taking notes.”
“Will your company last 27 billion years? Not unless you go galactic.”
*A wine jug