Dear Tiff and Earl, I passed gas on my Zoom call and my video went on speaker view. How do I recover? Sincerely, Mortified Morty Dear Mortified Morty, There’s no way to reverse engineer the damage that has been done. The only good thing is that if this were an in-person class, you definitely […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I was planning on finally getting out into the dating game when the pandemic hit. How am I supposed to find a date when we must wear masks and stay six feet apart? Sincerely, Corona Crushed Dear CC, If anyone has ever taught you anything about dating, you should know […]
“Hope you’ve all been staying healthy!” “Does anyone have the answer?” Silence. “Unprecedented times.” “So I’m gonna share my screen…now.” “Can everyone see it?” To the muted class. “We CaN’t HeAr YoU yOu’Re On MuTe.” “Do you like my virtual background?” “Do my audio/visuals look alright to you?” “Alright, I’m going to separate you all […]
The Glass Shattered Below by Grace O’Connor ’22 When I read the text, I scream Glowing from the screen The words popping out, sucking me in As my eyes glazed over them Slowly, in disbelief, I turned off my phone and Dropping my face in my hands Forcing my head up to look at […]
Woo the producers/Chris Harrison Sabotage the other contestants by putting a metric ton of garlic in their food Pull a power move and propose to the Bachelor/Bachelorette Replace all the girls’ makeup with clown makeup Rig the rose ceremony Make the other contestants fall in love with you Don’t be fake Be fake Steal the […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, March 6 is Dentist Appreciation Day, and I want to thank my dentist for all the pain, tears, and clean gums that she has given me. What can I give her to represent the complex and complicated relationship that I have with her, besides flossing? Sincerely, Pearl E. White Dear […]
Go to Namibia (they have a significant cheetah population) Go to your bed/hibernate Go to any place that has better food than Ray Fyre Festival Buy a ranch in the old country Go to space (the final frontier) Hop the fence and explore Father Shanley’s house Do your taxes File your FAFSA Go down a […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I just woke up, and I wish I didn’t. I’m covered in Mondoz ranch dressing and I might’ve stolen a poster from them. I even called them the other night to say hi. I think I have a problem. What do I do? Regretfully, Mondoz Maniac Dear Mondiac, Admitting you […]
In six words or less write a story about your dream first date… Go! Only us drowned in candlelight. by Grace O’Connor ’22 A good laugh…all I need. by Erin Venuti ’20 Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Disney+, and… by Connor Zimmerman ’20 They laugh together, and she’s happy. Clara Howard ’20 […]
Stand outside their dorm room with a boombox Leave them on open on Snapchat DM their ex on Instagram Take them out to Ray Photoshop them into pictures with you Bring them chicken nuggets on Thursday Go to the chapel with them Express your feelings in Morning Mail Steal a golf cart and drive them […]