Dear Tiff and Earl, I just found out that my significant other is allergic to every single flower known to man and hates all chocolate (I promise she’s fun!), and CVS has nothing else that is Valentine’s Day related. What should I get her? Nervously, Drug Store Drags Dear DSD, Don’t sell CVS short. […]
by Lil Wit ’21 The mushiest, most lovey-dovey, better-not-be-alone-because-that-sucks day of the year (unless you want to be conventional and remember that this day is actually the feast day for a saint who was martyred for the sake of spreading the Catholic faith and is esteemed in the eyes of the Church to be canonized […]
Sleep in the library Spray Lysol in their face as they sleep Wear a hazmat suit Gently cover them with a tarp Replace their shampoo with Purell Quarantine them in the tunnels Eat one whole orange Scratch that—eat nothing but oranges Snort Emergen-C Create the super soldier serum (Captain America never got the flu) Change […]
Move the pizza again (it’s messing with my feng shui) Bring back the panini station Give me iced tea or give me death Paint it in a neoclassical style Carpet all of Ray (and I mean all of it) Have every menu curated by Paul Rudd Get Ray onto [insert Food Network show here] Make […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I was late to my class one morning, and when I arrived there were no seats in the room. I had to sit in the corner next to the professor by myself like a fool. What are some ways that I can get to class faster? Sadly, Flat-footed Fred Dear […]
Mint Juul pods are illegal I cannot responsibly manage my money (or Friar Bucks) They lied to me on the tour about Ray Men’s basketball will never be able to hit their free throws I paid $5k for a class that I skipped 23 times I can get mono really easily (my mama always said […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I had so much down time over winter break that I started pondering the meaning of the universe and now I’m having a quarter-life crisis. I think I want to drop out of school and move to an igloo in Alaska. Thoughts? Sincerely, Wannabe Hermit Dear Hermie, Unless you can […]
by Lil Elf ’21 It’s that time of year again. There is an unquantifiable amount of glorious aromas emitting from the oven (or maybe it’s just a candle). With the Christmas season inevitably comes the Christmas goodies. However, some people are victims to the less-than-tasty treats. Although the good most certainly outweigh the bad, the […]
Not having chicken in the alumni salads Alumni closed on Sundays (we will not be silenced) The elevator being down in DiTrag for 3 weeks Late Thanksgiving When the app says that a washer is available but it’s not Seeing ads for all 20 democratic presidential candidates Peter as the new Bachelor (Mike deserved better) […]
Not having chicken in the alumni salads Alumni closed on Sundays (we will not be silenced) The elevator being down in DiTrag for 3 weeks Late Thanksgiving When the app says that a washer is available but it’s not Seeing ads for all 20 democratic presidential candidates Peter as the new Bachelor (Mike deserved better) […]