Dear Tiff and Earl, It’s that time of the year—the squirrels are starting to gain awareness again and have begun pummelling our heads with acorns. How should we wage war against them? I think we might want to get the pigeon involved. Sincerely, Fallen Soldier Dear Fallen Soldier, You are right to revolt. We must […]
Wolf howls (in chorus) Flood warning notification (why is it so loud?) The water dripping from the leak in my ceiling The toilet in my apartment randomly flushing in the middle of the night My freezer deciding it’s broken Roommates brushing teeth very loudly People aggressively slamming their dishes onto the Ray dish return Footsteps […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I have found myself suffering from a bad case of senioritis as a freshman. Any cures? Sincerely, Soon-to-be Sophomore Dear Fresh Meat, Finals week is coming and there is only one cure. Go to the bowels of the library where the light of day does not shine. Chain yourself to […]
Jump in the koi pond Go streaking in the tunnels Give a big smooch to Friar Dom Dress up as Friar Dom Grab a beer at McPhail’s Watch Mondoz get rebuilt Break into Fr. Sicard’s house Fail a theology class Participate in Civ Scream Set a couch on fire Sacrifice a virgin Climb the stairs […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, What is this “darty” everyone keeps talking about? I can’t find it on Urban Dictionary. Is it some obscure class? A fun hat? A spelling mistake? A party where darts are thrown? Sincerely, I Was Homeschooled Dear Homie, Your innocence is refreshing during these beer-saturated times. I’m not sure whether […]
The koi fish The Flame Paul Rudd Dean Sears A White Claw A pong ball A positive COVID-19 test An image of Dean Sears’s email The green check mark A white square Jesus Adidas slides Lululemon leggings A missing AirPods case A singular AirPod A missing PC ID Dot and Fran, but as one person
Dear Tiff and Earl, The squirrels are back, and they’re making it known. Despite being vaccinated, I’m still fearful. How do we defend ourselves against their attack? Sincerely, I Draw the Line at Chipmunks Dear Squirrel-aphobe, I hate to break it to you, but I think the vaccine only protects you from COVID-19, not […]
By the trash behind Ray In the koi pond Lane 4 on the track The Friar Development Center (until you get caught) In Ed Cooley’s office In line for Dunkin’ Deep in your closet On the roof of Ray In Father Sicard’s backyard Sunbathing outside the Marriott In the flame In the Suites’ elevator In […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, We know no one reads this section. What is the craziest advice you can give without getting caught? Sincerely, Your Only Fan Earl, are we going to stand for this insult? -Tiff Absolutely not. We’re boycotting. -Earl
Turn your grade upside down Convert it to the metric system Give your professor a little gift *wink wink* Cram on your Wellness Wednesday Give an expository interview to Oprah about your teacher Round it up to an A Send your professor a death threat Have Daddy pay your professor off Perform a ritual to […]