Tiffany and Earl

by The Cowl Editor on November 16, 2017


Dear Tiff and Earl,

Why do people decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving?


Ho Ho No


Dear Scrooge,

Why don’t MORE people decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving??? Christmas is the best and most magical time of the year, and honestly I would decorate for Christmas all year long if people wouldn’t think it was weird.

So, I’m all for Christmas. I’m all for packages, ribbons, and bows. I’m all for the spiked eggnog and party dresses. I’m all for the mistletoe.

Also, quick tangent: PC BETTER decorate more for Christmas this year. If I see another wimpy little tree in the middle of Slavin, I’ll be the biggest Grinch you’ve ever seen.

So get over yourself and your love for Thanksgiving.

Wishing you a merry little Christmas,



Dear Ho,

I don’t know what Christmas decorations you’re talking about. The only decorations I’ve seen are the crushed Natty cans and empty nips scattered across my dorm like detritus on a seashore following a hurricane. Let’s not forget the variety of liquid stains on the lovely linoleum floors of my hallway. I’m always happy to pay fines for excessive uncleanliness I didn’t cause, especially as lead paint flakes flutter down from my ceiling like the snow which will soon be plowed into grimy heaps all across campus.

Happy winter,


P.S. How is your holiday weight gain coming along? I’m getting ahead this week with lots of pumpkin pie and ice cream. Don’t hold back with the whipped cream, and definitely skip the gym.


*This is a satirical column that does not reflect the views of Providence College or The Cowl