Tiffany and Earl

by The Cowl Editor on January 18, 2018


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Dear Tiff and Earl,

I have a real problem here.  I am really interested in having a relationship, but I can never tell when members of the opposite sex are flirting with me.  Are there any signs or signals you know of that I can look out for in the future?


Call Me, Maybe?


Dear Call Me Maybe,

First off, if his or her eyes are dilated, that means he or she is sexually aroused. If he or she is sexually aroused, that probably means he or she is flirting with you. I also have learned this funky party trick, which allows me to tell if a man is into a woman (if you are a male seeking advice and are interested in females, this probably will not help you). If a guy is into a gal, his feet will point directly at her. So, if you’re on Eaton Street in some sketchy basement past midnight and are trying to get with a guy, just look at his feet! If they are pointing at you, good news: you’re in!! If his feet are not pointing at you, move on to someone else, preferably someone by the keg because he could pour you one (if you are over 21, of course).

Guys: when I’m into someone I bat my eyes and twirl my hair. Guys: just a piece of advice, do not just assume a girl is into you. If you don’t get what I’m saying here, then watch the Golden Globes and watch the news.

I probably won’t be calling you,



Dear Carly Rae Jepsen,

Remember Social Darwinism? That applies to you, too. If you can’t tell when someone is flirting with you, then you really don’t have any place flirting with anyone.

Enjoy your crocs and socks,