by Kiley McMahon ’20
Dear You Who Shall Not Be Named,
As you kiss my soft lips and moan from tiredness, you check your text messages every five minutes to make sure that you are in the clear. You keep a photo of Elsa, Troy, and Chase stored in your wallet; they are so beautiful and grown-up-looking, just like you. You leave from my back door, and you run to your car down the street. As usual, you leave me alone as you rapidly pace from my humble abode to your lavish sportscar. I notice that you never once fail to fasten your belt strap and to zip your fly while you run as if you are a mad man. Years later, you tell me that you are in the process of going through a divorce. Still to this day, I wonder why I am one of the few chosen to fall for you—an unavailable man. I wonder how I am capable of breaking your family apart and for allowing your beautiful children to endure the divorce of their parents, something that I myself endured in my own childhood. Today, I cry myself to sleep as I wonder how I let you, the man whom I love so deeply, ruin my whole life.
About a year ago today, I went through my own divorce. My husband cheated on me with his ex-wife and their family is in the process of coming back together. I sit with tears running down my face and my emotions run wild. How am I capable of ruining your family and then of creating the same trauma for myself?
I now know how it feels, to have the man whom you love so deeply, fall for someone else. I have learned difficulty and today, I like to think of myself as a bigger and better person because of this insight gained through experience. I thank you with all of my heart for making me a stronger, better individual.
Thank you, You Who Shall Not Be Named.
A stronger and better person.