Doctor Love

by The Cowl Editor on February 8, 2018


Stethoscope with a heart
Photo courtesy of

by Connor Zimmerman ’20


“I’m telling you it’s all about the confidence.” I nod my head in response, only half listening. Matt continues to talk at me, but it’s all white noise. I see my friend Jack in the distance, and to escape this hellish nightmare, I quickly call him over, “Hey Jack, c’mon over here.”

Jack reluctantly walks on over, and nods towards Matt. He says to us, “What’s up guys? Haven’t seen you in a little while.”

Matt quickly interjects, “I’m trying to explain what it takes to get a girl to like you.”

Rolling my eyes, I respond, “Okay, please continue explaining why I am going to die alone, while you are going to be living to an old age with a girl that is half yours.”

Matt angrily replies, “This is what I’m talking about. Who is going to want to date you when you do not have any confidence?”

Jack tries to slowly walk away, but if I must endure Matt’s pedantic rant I will not be alone. So, I say, “Jack, what are your thoughts?”

With a spiteful look he says, “I think you are both right. You got to have confidence, but you shouldn’t try to force anything that isn’t there.” 

Matt, with his famous selective hearing replies, “See, man, even Jack agrees with me.”

Growing tired of Matt, I say to Jack, “Hey, I have to grab something from my dorm, want to come?”

He nods his head, and we begin to walk away from Matt, who says, “I’ll catch you guys after class and then we can talk some more.”

As we walk, Jack looks at me with a smirk and says, “So he was giving you the talk?”

I laugh as I say, “I’m guessing you have gotten the talk too then.” He nods his head in reply.

I continue on, “Classic Matt. He scores a date on Tinder, and he has to try and help us with our love lives now.”

Jack laughs and says, “Yeah he keeps calling himself Doctor Love.”

I shake my head, “Yeah he has been bragging about that to me too. Do you know what he told me? He said, ‘Don’t be afraid of the dumpster fires.’”

Jack laughs and says, “He told me that too, but odds are he has got himself a dumpster fire.”

I reply, “Yeah, Tinder is no place to find love.”