by The Cowl Editor on April 19, 2018
by Connor Zimmerman ’20
I want to go back to that one crazy moment:
It was a dark night in a party where I felt particularly estranged. It started like any other late night, with the same people who talked to me in friendly but shallow exchanges. That was until we exchanged glances. I felt paralyzed as I questioned what should be my next move, to stay or advance? You gave a wave and flashed a smile that outshined all the stars in the sky. A thousand thoughts flew across my mind, but only one mattered—the one that told me to not let this conversation end with a good-bye. When I finally came near you, my voice failed me. But you were there for me and helped to keep the moment alive. We listened, laughed, and learned more about each other than I normally would share. For you, it was a burden that I was willing to bear.
I want to go back to the moment that brought us closer together:
I could see that you were having the time of your life. The truth was that this was one of the few nights that I was without strife. We made our move to leave and started to head back. I was desperate for anything that would make this moment stay on track. You said you were hungry and wanted to grab some food, and I almost died of thanks. The cold air sent shivers down our spines and brought us closer together. Never will I be angry at winter again. I wish I could have stayed in that moment, with you and me talking for what seemed like forever. However, I just could not keep it in anymore and told you how I truly felt, something I thought would never happen ever. Your next words impressed themselves upon me like a tattoo: “Why, then, have you never asked me out?”
I want to go back to the moment when you made it real:
The words you said made me feel angry and ashamed. I was not angry at you, no, it was myself that I blamed. You asked the question because you doubted what I said, but the actual truth is far from your thoughts. I had never worked up the courage, even when I was intoxicated, because I thought I was never worthy of you to take the next step. Whenever I look in the mirror, I can only see my flaws, but our conversation made me realize that you saw something new. Whatever it was I do not know, but you gave me the confidence to be true. I promise from now on to never let you think you are not worthy. You should know how I feel every time you are in my sight. I hope this is not the end, but at least we will always have that night.