by The Cowl Editor on January 18, 2019
by Connor Zimmerman ’20
What does it take to be broken? Knowing that there is something wrong within yourself, something that just isn’t right. You don’t hide it, no you wear it on your sleeve as an omen. To warn others that this pain has a hold on you that is tight. But you keep living that lifestyle of drinks and pills falling further into that hopeless cycle. Wishing to numb the sharp hurt that lives within you. You wonder if it is even possible to keep fighting for survival.
What is it like to live in that darkness? Seeing that there is light around you, but it is always just out of reach. Like Tantalus trying to quench his thirst, you feel armless. Every time someone tells you to change, you ignore their speech. They don’t know what it’s like to be chained to the past. Every self-destructive action you take creates another chain that holds you tighter than before. You will never move forward because you won’t forgive yourself for all the sins you’ve amassed.
What is it like to live in isolation? Accepting that you must push those closest to you away. The closer they are to you the closer they are to damnation. You’re alright with living in pain, but you won’t allow others to live in your dismay. And when they do try to help, you make another attempt to change. Using them as a crutch, while you try to fix your strife. However, when they start to give up their own lives for your sake, you run away and live estranged. It’s a lonely life, but it’s you’re only life.