Dear Tiff and Earl,
My parents just called me and said that they cannot help me move out after my last final exam because they are taking a trip down to Florida to “get a summer tan.” How do I get all my stuff out of my room and go home?
Trying to get home,
Dear Dorothy Gale,
That is quite the predicament you’ve got yourself in. I would recommend, as a devout Catholic, that you pray. Pray that Daenerys Targaryen will arrive with her mighty dragons, pick you and your belongings up, and fly you home in a fantastical display of mythology come to life. Or call an aunt, that might help too.
Tiff of House Tiff, Last of Her Name
Dear Miss Gale,
That’s A+ parenting right there. Here’s what I would do in that situation: find a friend who can store all of your boxes in their garage, and hop on the next flight to Florida. When your parents are in line for the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disney, make sure you are right in front of them, then turn around and say hello. It’ll really be a small world for them.