Dear Tiff and Earl,
I got a Hydroflask as a gift and now people are bullying me in class. Please help.
The best way to break a new trend that everyone bandwagons on or wishes they could bandwagon on is to start a new trend. Usually people like to go retro, so be super retro and start using a 19th century canteen, or even better, a goat stomach sack like they used in the olden days.
Stay thirsty my friend,
Dear Hipster Boy,
Well, if you’re tired of being bullied about your water bottle (I mean, how dare you stay hydrated?), then you’ll have to expose more embarrassing aspects of your personal life to your “friends.” That way, they can bully you over things that are actually meaningful, and you can feel valid while drinking clean water out of your $40 bottle. Or, ditch the bottle altogether and just drink out of the koi pond like me—I mean my weird roommate—does.