Dear Tiff and Earl,
The spider hanging over my bed is whispering sweet nothings into my ear. How do I proceed?
Dear Slightly Interested,
It’s 2019, so no judgment here. The one thing I would say is make sure she doesn’t have kids because that could be a pain. She’d be a cheap date so that’s to your benefit. Just round up a few flies, and you’re good to go. Pro tip: make sure your roommates don’t squish her.
P.S. does she have a gig at Legs and Eggs?
Dear Slight Shady,
GO FOR IT. Let’s be real—these days we need to take what we can get, and cuffing season is upon us. After all, nothings are fine as long as they’re sweet! They can’t be as bad as the uncouth things your uncle says at Thanksgiving. Plus, the extra legs might come in handy—you never know!