Listomania: Ways to avoid catching the flu if your roommate has it (not recommended by the Surgeon General)

by Connor Zimmerman on February 7, 2020


Sleep in the library

Spray Lysol in their face as they sleep

Wear a hazmat suit

Gently cover them with a tarp

Replace their shampoo with Purell

Quarantine them in the tunnels

Eat one whole orange

Scratch that—eat nothing but oranges

Snort Emergen-C

Create the super soldier serum (Captain America never got the flu)

Change the locks to the room so they are locked out

Hack into CyberFriar and change their GPA to 0.00 so they get kicked out of PC

Start a public health campaign where everyone tapes their mouths shut so that no one can spread germs ever again

Get them audited by the IRS so they are sent to federal prison

Accept your fate