Dear Tiff & Earl,
My neighbors across the hall are violating their pod by summoning spirits. The demons aren’t social distancing or wearing masks. How do I report them?
In Need of an Exorcist and a Vaccine
While interacting with people outside of your pod is not the best idea and masks should be worn at all times, I think your main concern should be that there are DEMONS from the GREAT BEYOND in your DORM! Unless you’re living in the tunnels, that is highly concerning and rather uncomfy. Emailing FixIt will not help you in this case. I think you need to take some more drastic measures. Perhaps enlisting the Ghostbusters might be in your best interest.
Luckily, as everyone knows, demons cannot contract COVID-19. I would, however, be more concerned with them stealing your soul. A quick email to your neighbors explaining your concerns should suffice. You perhaps could suggest other, more safe activities to them, such as hunting Sasquatch or communicating with Satan.