Dear Tiff and Earl,
I’m trying to get a leprechaun to join my pod. How should I entice them? Do I sprinkle Lucky Charms for them to follow?
In Need of a Little Luck
Dear In Need,
Although Lucky Charms are magically delicious, actual leprechauns have higher standards (don’t ask how I know—I just do). You’ll have to become well-versed in making corned beef and cabbage, boiled potatoes, and Irish soda bread. You’re also going to have to do a jig and play a tin whistle in front of the entirety of campus, because leprechauns love humiliation as much as they do mischief (again, don’t ask how I know this). Ironically, you’re going to need a lot of luck to be able to attract a leprechaun, so good luck!
Leprechauns are notoriously difficult to entice. Unfortunately, the last thing they want to be fed is corporate propaganda that profits off their own likeness. Nope, they want real, solid gold. Approximately $20,000 worth. I’ve heard Eaton Street Cafe is selling some if you have Friar Bucks to spare.