Tiff and Earl

by Elizabeth McGinn


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl,

What is this “darty” everyone keeps talking about? I can’t find it on Urban Dictionary. Is it some obscure class? A fun hat? A spelling mistake? A party where darts are thrown?

Sincerely,
I Was Homeschooled

 

Dear Homie,

Your innocence is refreshing during these beer-saturated times. I’m not sure whether to disclose this information to you or protect your mental virginity. To put it lightly, a darty is a forbidden place during COVID-19 times. If you hear the word, run for the hills, get as far away as you can, wear at least six masks, and pray the Rosary several times. Be on your guard because darties thrive in nice weather. Have PC security on speed dial. You may have to call multiple times, though, since they’re probably stationed at their own flip cup table. 

Protectively,
Tiff

 

Dear Darty Dan,

I have never been invited to a darty, so I really could not tell you. In fact, I have never been invited to a party, either. I can only speculate that a darty, at its core, is an educational event. There is probably riveting philosophical debate. Maybe even intense discussions on the India-Pakistan dispute over control of the Kashmir region. I suppose it could also be where college kids stand in a parking lot on a nice day and drink cheap, crappy beer, but I like my first idea better.

Indubitably,
Earl

 


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