Dear Tiff and Earl,
Should I break up with my boyfriend to feel the pain of Taylor Swift’s new album? I just feel like it would make listening to Red a surreal experience (and fit the vibe).
Not Too Well (Taylor’s Version)
Dear Not Too Well,
If you are asking this question, you have already arrived at the right answer. But let me make one suggestion as to a method of proceeding from this point: make sure he knows that you asked good old Tiff and Earl this question. If he has a smackerel of sense, he’ll understand, and graciously allow you to be the dumpee, not the dumper. It’s much better that way. Let him tear up your relationship. It’s obviously not a masterpiece. It’s a Bob Ross painting.
Dear Not Too Well (Taylor’s Version),
In order to get the full and proper effect of Red (Taylor’s Version), you can’t be the one to break up with your boyfriend—he must be the one to dump you. If your man has a proclivity for attending indie music concerts on a weekly basis, owns a million-dollar couch, and incurred your father’s disapproval when he failed to show up at your 21st birthday party, the good news is that he should be breaking your heart any day now!
Don’t let him keep your scarf from that very first week, even though it reminds him of innocence, and it smells like you.