by The Cowl Editor on September 29, 2022
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I’ve been training really hard, attempting to beat Dean Sears in the Friar 5K. Any advice to crush the best runner at PC in his own race?
Future Marathon Runner
Yo Future Marathon Runner,
If you want to beat Dean Sears in the Friar 5K, you have to start adding fingertip pushups to your workout routine (Dean Sears does them often). Since your race is in a few days, I would suggest tapering and loading up on tons of carbs, and you’ll be good to go! With this advice, you’re sure to crush Saturday’s 5K!
Break a Leg!
An astute observer of Dean Sears would know that he runs with a lollipop in his mouth. This trick, my friend, is your golden ticket; researchers say this improves concentration, keeps blood sugar constant, and intimidates opponents. The real challenge is not whether you can beat Dean Sears with this tactic, but whether you can do it without impaling yourself…