Tiff & Earl

by Portfolio Co-Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl,

Im turning 21 over Columbus Day weekend, but all my friends are going home. Im going to be all alone in my apartment. What should I do?

Sadly,
Feeling Twenty-Blue

 

Hey Loser,

Lets face it, your “friends” weren’t going to celebrate your bday even if they were around. Go to some bar downtown and talk it out with the bartender, its not like he hasnt served loners before.

Go make friends with Jack Daniels, I’ve heard hes a great guy.

Lol sry not sry,
Tiff

 

Dear Twenty-Who,

Your only remaining option is to light dozens of ~flameless~ candles, put Celine Dions “All By Myself” on repeat, and dig into some Ben & Jerrys. Its going to be a long weekend.

Yikes,
Earl