Tag: Listomania
Listomania: How to win The Bachelor/Bachelorette
by Connor Zimmerman on March 5, 2020
Features
Woo the producers/Chris Harrison
Sabotage the other contestants by putting a metric ton of garlic in their food
Pull a power move and propose to the Bachelor/Bachelorette
Replace all the girls’ makeup with clown makeup
Rig the rose ceremony
Make the other contestants fall in love with you
Don’t be fake
Be fake
Steal the champagne
Cry 24/7 (eye drops are a must)
On the hometown visit episode, lock the Bachelor/Bachelorette in your closet so that they can never meet your chaotic war zone of a family
Bring a cute dog with you (hypoallergenic to be safe)
Run into your ex while on the show
Hot air balloon
Follow Tiff and Earl dating advice (this is how we win)
Tell them where you hid the bodies
Blackmail/extortion
Give an ultimatum
Have a traumatic childhood experience
Don’t have a significant other
Listomania: Plans to Make for Spring Break
by Connor Zimmerman on February 27, 2020
Features
Go to Namibia (they have a significant cheetah population)
Go to your bed/hibernate
Go to any place that has better food than Ray
Fyre Festival
Buy a ranch in the old country
Go to space (the final frontier)
Hop the fence and explore Father Shanley’s house
Do your taxes
File your FAFSA
Go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole
Binge Shane Dawson conspiracy videos
Dabble in Scientology
Watch the Oscar nominees you never got around to
Get your textbooks for this semester
Reverse engineer a Boeing 737 Max
Steal the Declaration of Independence
Prove that the Earth is really flat
Make money (so that you can afford to go on Spring Break next year)
Listomania: How to make someone fall in love with you
by Connor Zimmerman on February 14, 2020
Features
Stand outside their dorm room with a boombox
Leave them on open on Snapchat
DM their ex on Instagram
Take them out to Ray
Photoshop them into pictures with you
Bring them chicken nuggets on Thursday
Go to the chapel with them
Express your feelings in Morning Mail
Steal a golf cart and drive them to their classes
Hide under their bed
Give them all your Friarbucks
Tell Dot to tell them how you feel
Buy their Black and White Ball ticket (if $20 isn’t an act of love, I don’t know what is)
Wear clean clothes
Wear their clothes
Request their location on Find My Friends
Watch You for tips
Get them the flame from Slavin lawn instead of a candle
Listomania: Ways to avoid catching the flu if your roommate has it (not recommended by the Surgeon General)
by Connor Zimmerman on February 7, 2020
Features
Sleep in the library
Spray Lysol in their face as they sleep
Wear a hazmat suit
Gently cover them with a tarp
Replace their shampoo with Purell
Quarantine them in the tunnels
Eat one whole orange
Scratch that—eat nothing but oranges
Snort Emergen-C
Create the super soldier serum (Captain America never got the flu)
Change the locks to the room so they are locked out
Hack into CyberFriar and change their GPA to 0.00 so they get kicked out of PC
Start a public health campaign where everyone tapes their mouths shut so that no one can spread germs ever again
Get them audited by the IRS so they are sent to federal prison
Accept your fate
Listomania: Other ways Ray could have listened
by Connor Zimmerman on January 30, 2020
Features
Move the pizza again (it’s messing with my feng shui)
Bring back the panini station
Give me iced tea or give me death
Paint it in a neoclassical style
Carpet all of Ray (and I mean all of it)
Have every menu curated by Paul Rudd
Get Ray onto [insert Food Network show here]
Make the pasta sauce less watery
Get normal toasters instead of the incinerators there now
Replace the lettuce with more salad toppings
Hire Remy from Ratatouille (might as well put the rats to good use)
Make it so I don’t need an atlas to find the utensils
Dress as the Blue Man Group instead of the red aprons
Make Dot the head of PR for Ray
Give more Friar Bucks to the 7 meal plans as well (P.S. I’m a broke senior)
Be open later on the weekends to nourish my hangovers
Alumni should be open on Sunday…there I said it.
Listomania: Things that I learned last semester
by Connor Zimmerman on January 16, 2020
Features
Mint Juul pods are illegal
I cannot responsibly manage my money (or Friar Bucks)
They lied to me on the tour about Ray
Men’s basketball will never be able to hit their free throws
I paid $5k for a class that I skipped 23 times
I can get mono really easily (my mama always said I would be good at something)
The dorms are sticky
Mondoz is always the move, not Eaton Street
I need a new major
Clubs are really just cults on this campus
I’m not actually going abroad
Ed Cooley can pump some iron
Winter break ain’t long enough
2 or 3 cups of coffee is fine unless it’s before 2 a.m.
My parents know less about loans than I do
DWC is an informative and life-changing experience…sike
Listomania: Festivus Airing of the Grievances
by The Cowl Editor on December 7, 2019
Christmas
Not having chicken in the alumni salads
Alumni closed on Sundays (we will not be silenced)
The elevator being down in DiTrag for 3 weeks
Late Thanksgiving
When the app says that a washer is available but it’s not
Seeing ads for all 20 democratic presidential candidates
Peter as the new Bachelor (Mike deserved better)
The ending to Game of Thrones (Daenerys deserved better)
Nobody celebrating Thanksgiving (Squanto deserved better)
Taking my student loans to the grave
The monstrosity of the doors in Slavin
Not being able to domesticate the squirrels on campus
Starbucks not accepting Starbucks gift cards (I see you Sodexo)
Having no friends for friendsgiving
No baby yoda stuffed animals for Christmas
Finals week is two weeks long…change my mind
The people blowing the leaves (it isn’t fall anymore)
The sprinklers nicely watering the sidewalk
Providence College Men’s Basketball
PARKING
Listomania: Festivus Airing of the Grievances
by The Cowl Editor on December 7, 2019
Christmas
Not having chicken in the alumni salads
Alumni closed on Sundays (we will not be silenced)
The elevator being down in DiTrag for 3 weeks
Late Thanksgiving
When the app says that a washer is available but it’s not
Seeing ads for all 20 democratic presidential candidates
Peter as the new Bachelor (Mike deserved better)
The ending to Game of Thrones (Daenerys deserved better)
Nobody celebrating Thanksgiving (Squanto deserved better)
Taking my student loans to the grave
The monstrosity of the doors in Slavin
Not being able to domesticate the squirrels on campus
Starbucks not accepting Starbucks gift cards (I see you Sodexo)
Having no friends for friendsgiving
No baby yoda stuffed animals for Christmas
Finals week is two weeks long…change my mind
The people blowing the leaves (it isn’t fall anymore)
The sprinklers nicely watering the sidewalk
Providence College Men’s Basketball
PARKING
Listomania: Conversation Topics to Avoid During Thanksgiving Dinner
by Sarah D Kirchner on November 22, 2019
Portfolio
My 90-day fiancé
The day I spent at a nudist colony
My bank account or lack of one
My tattoo of Dot
Which state my fake ID is from
How my roommate’s drug dealer lives with us
The demon that visits me every night
My plans after graduation
My opinions on impeachment
The current raging hangover headache I have
The spider that whispers sweet nothings in my ear
How I definitely did not lace the turkey
The fact that I am studying abroad at home
I am pass/failing all my courses
My search for human companionship
How my uncle is actually a b$#%!
Listomania: Things that should be Yankee Candle scents
by The Cowl Editor on November 14, 2019
Features
Eaton Street Cafe Mozz Sticks
Eau de Paul Rudd
Nug day
The Cowl fresh off the press
Insomnia cookies
Dunkin’
McPhail’s milkshakes (all of them in one candle with mix-ins)
McDermott
Nail polish remover
Gasoline
The smell of defeat
Harry Styles’ unwashed hair
Tide Pods (do not eat)
The expired milk in my fridge
Home Depot
Mondoz
Post SRW depression