Tag: Save the Polar Bears
Tiff and Earl
by Connor Zimmerman on January 16, 2020
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I had so much down time over winter break that I started pondering the meaning of the universe and now I’m having a quarter-life crisis. I think I want to drop out of school and move to an igloo in Alaska. Thoughts?
Unless you can find the answer to climate change in your search for the meaning of the universe, your igloo isn’t going to last long. There’s a reason that none of the three little pigs made a house of ice. They knew. Take a page out of their book.
Realistically and fantastically,
Dear Wannabe Kermit,
The meaning of the universe is inconsequnetial for now. Our main focus should be monetizing your precipitous decline from a life of privilege into icy asceticism. I’d bet you could make at least one HGTV special and two never-ending TLC shows about your crazy igloo life. Plus, you could guest star on all those other shows they film in Alaska. You’ll have plenty of time to ponder the universe while counting all those royalty checks!