The Festivus Airing of Grievances

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


George Costanza from Seinfeld gestures upwards
Photo Courtesy of pinterest.com
  • The Torch
  • The Stolen Cowls
  • When Huxley Gate Shows Up as Eaton Street on Uber
  • “So, what are YOU doing after graduation?”
  • Food Poisoning
  • FAFSA
  • Derek Shepherd’s Unnecessary Death
  • Arbitrary Due Dates
  • A Decided Lack of Barack Obama & Joe Biden
  • When Your Nail Polish Chips
  • The Wicked Long Walk into Al Mag/Hickey/SOWA
  • Chronic Hair Loss
  • The Lies of the Harkins Loop
  • The Absolutely Ridiculous Nature Photography in Lower-Level Ruane
  • The War for the Harkins Cowl Stand
  • Still No Windows for the Cowl Office
  • When Netflix removed One Tree Hill
  • The Room Across the Hall That’s Always Mad Extra with the Volume

 

 

 

 

 

Listomania: Christmas Gifts for Your Haters

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


A Snowball-ed House

Blockbuster/Borders Gift Certificates

The Torch (as a Plushie, a Keychain, a Decal…You Name It)

Figgy Pudding

Fruitcake

Feral Cats

A Bag of Flaming Poop

A Restraining Order

Spray-On Hair

Re-Gifted Presents

A Gym Membership

A Slap in the Face

A Six-Pack of Deodorant

A Bella Thorne Poster

Unsolicited Eggplant Pics

Tickets to Fyre Festival

An Extra Semester of Civ

A Sears Coupon

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


Making PC an emotionally stable place one letter at a time…*

Dear Tiff and Earl,

How do I survive the Hunger Games-style battle for study spaces this finals week?

Sincerely,
The Tribute of District McVinney

 

 

Dear Tribute,

Ha ha ha. Sorry, I just remember the days when I was in your position—so concerned about finals and grades and GPAs. My dear, here’s how I survive it: just throw in the towel.

You could go the library early and reserve a space by throwing your coat there to indicate someone’s there, but it just takes soooo much effort. I’ve decided to just float on by when it comes to finals. So you won’t be finding me in the business school, library, or Slavin getting my work done.

Interestingly though, I’ve noticed the new Moore Hall tends to have a lot of room for students to study there. Funny how students and administration went on and on about how we could use the building for events and studying, but it is pretty empty! Good thing we put our money to good use for those renovations, am I right?

It’s likely that isn’t actually factual, because I spend most days sleeping off my hangover from the night before, but hey, just thought I’d let ya know.

Good luck with finals,
Tiff

 

 

 

 

Dear Tributary,

Study spaces? Is that when people put two spaces in between sentences, like some kind of twentieth century grammatical barbarian? Anyway, you’ll find everything you need in the cornucopia, A.K.A. the torch. That’s where the College has invested all of its money to help students! What better to get you through chilly nights of studying than an enormous fake campfire in the middle of the Slavin wind tunnel? Ask and you shall receive, as long as you are a wealthy alumnus of the College.

-Earl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Tiff & Earl are fictitious and satirical characters whose answers do not reflect the views of Providence College or The Cowl.