Dear Tiff and Earl,
I have a housing crisis. One of my friends wants to live with me next year, but I don’t want to live with them. How do I break this to them without ruining the friendship?
First off, you have an amazing name.
Second, you’re going to have to pull the plug in the most passive aggressive way possible. The more terrible you behave, the more likely it is that they will want to avoid you and then dump you as a roommate. Here are some ways to go about this:
Best of luck; let me know if you need more assistance.
Dear Off-Campus Ostracizer,
Leave the lights on.