Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor on March 3, 2019


Dear Tiff and Earl,

The person I was going to ask to Black and White Ball is already going with someone else and all of my friends have dates. What should I do?

Peaked in Middle School


Dear Peaked,

First of all, been there, done that! So, after years of going to the dances alone, I decided that I would create my own dating service for lonely suckers like yourself! Rent-A-Date is a not-for-profit dating service that delivers to you a random date based on the event you are going to, your preferences, and how much money you put down as a down payment! So, call 1-800-I’m-So-Very-Lonely to rent a date! PC cash only.

Looking forward to your call!


Dear Peaker,

Stay home.

Save your money and your dignity.