The Reason

by The Cowl Editor on October 3, 2019


by Connor Zimmerman ’20

A traveler without a compass.
A driver without a map.
A pilot without coordinates.
A sailor without the night stars.

My life is a journey without a destination in sight. Being pushed by a force that is beyond my control, I wonder how much longer I can go without some light. A reason that will make it all worthwhile. It is a small thing to ask for, but one that will make each step matter along the countless miles. I’m traveling in hopes of finding a reason:

A reason for why I am alive.
A reason for why I need to survive.
A reason that will give me my purpose.
A reason that will finally give me a direction.

People say it’s about the journey and not the destination, but what actually keeps us going? I envy those who can continue on traveling without knowing. They say that it is simple because they believe they are where they are meant to be. But I do not have their conviction, and I question my every move to the nth degree. I must continue moving; however, because I can hear it with every step I take… tick tock:

The sands of time are many, but every grain is insignificant.
Grain by grain, time falls swiftly and cruelly,
Doing its job without concern.
Until it buries us alive.

How many grains have I wasted? Wandering about aimlessly, I know that I am missing that for which I was created. How many lost connections, opportunities, memories have I sacrificed in my exploration? What if I have abandoned the trail that was made for me and wandered into damnation? It’s a question with no answer because I still lack the ability to truly see. I lack the ability to rid myself of these shackling thoughts and be set free. However, I will keep traveling because I know that there must be a reason:

but never knowing the destination.

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