Listomania: Other ways Ray could have listened

by Connor Zimmerman


Features


Move the pizza again (it’s messing with my feng shui)

Bring back the panini station

Give me iced tea or give me death

Paint it in a neoclassical style

Carpet all of Ray (and I mean all of it)

Have every menu curated by Paul Rudd

Get Ray onto [insert Food Network show here]

Make the pasta sauce less watery

Get normal toasters instead of the incinerators there now

Replace the lettuce with more salad toppings 

Hire Remy from Ratatouille (might as well put the rats to good use)

Make it so I don’t need an atlas to find the utensils

Dress as the Blue Man Group instead of the red aprons

Make Dot the head of PR for Ray

Give more Friar Bucks to the 7 meal plans as well (P.S. I’m a broke senior)

Be open later on the weekends to nourish my hangovers

Alumni should be open on Sunday…there I said it.


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