Tiff and Earl

by Connor Zimmerman on January 30, 2020


Dear Tiff and Earl,

I was late to my class one morning, and when I arrived there were no seats in the room. I had to sit in the corner next to the professor by myself like a fool. What are some ways that I can get to class faster?

Flat-footed Fred


Dear Flat, 

Go retro and bring back Heelies. Those 2008 wonders never got enough credit. They’re environmentally-considerate and space-efficient. If that doesn’t work, I’d recommend just sleeping in the classroom the night before you have the class or carrying around one of those backpack chairs so you can sit where you please. 



Dear Flatty,

I can’t imagine anything worse than having to sit next to the professor. Actually, listening to them tell personal stories during class is worse. But anyway, just kick someone else out of their seat if you find yourself late again. If you want to get to class faster, I hear Dr. Telly Porter has an independent study researching this concept next semester.