Dear Tiff and Earl,
My family wants to play socially-distanced football at Thanksgiving. How do I learn it in ten minutes?
I Was a Theatre Kid
Dear Theatre Kid,
Sports can be hard. Luckily, it seems like these socially distant modifications can play to your advantage. My advice: once the whistle blows simply run inside. No one will be able to stop you since they cannot come within six feet of you. Next, go to the television, log on to Disney+, and turn on Hamilton. This will keep you from feeling “helpless” out on the football field.
Dear Play Boy,
Your theatre skills might actually help you here. Faking out your opponent is really big in football, and that has got to take some serious acting skills. Think of the deep cut as an over-dramatic exit stage left. And if all else goes wrong, fake an injury (although you might want to watch some soccer players for tips on how to do that). The field is a stage and all the players are merely actors.