Listomania: Reasons You Will Not Have a Second Date

by Elizabeth McGinn on February 11, 2021


Forgot to wipe

Didn’t show up

Brought your mom as a chaperone

Talked about your 12 cats

Mentioned the spider that whispers sweet nothings into your ear

Confessed your love for Father Shanley

Knew too much personal information

Asked for their banner ID instead of their phone number

Communicated solely via PC Mobile

Thought they resembled Mitch McConnell

Said they smell like your mom

Brought your date home to your Lightning McQueen race car bed

Ordered off the kid’s menu

Dined and dashed

Ordered chocolate milk at the bar

Brought your guitar (and already wrote a song about them)

Said “I love you”

Asked them to be your entree à la Armie Hammer